Remember when I said December's boxes fell into the categories of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly? Birchbox managed to get themselves into The Ugly category - surprise, surprise.
Now, I sometimes wonder if BB reads my reviews and retaliate by sending me crap. Or maybe they think they're Santa, and instead of rewarding me with a stocking full of goodies, they give me lumps of leftovers instead. I dunno - all I know is they had at least 29 different December box combinations and I got one of the suckiest ones.
Here's what was in my underwhelming box:
1) Frownies: All I can say is that I'll definitely need to use this product after reviewing this box. I have a frown the size of Texas right now. Supposedly one can use these 2-4 times - and that's quite a window, considering the size of the product. That's kind of like saying you can use a diaper 1-3 times... okay, maybe not.
Retail price: $29.95
2) Juicy Couture fragrance sample. I didn't hate it. I didn't love it, but I was so happy to FINALLY get a fragrance sample from Birchbox that wasn't a man's that I did a little dance.
Retail price: $19 for .24 oz in a roller ball bottle
3) Number 4 Clarifying Shampoo: Okay, this product was what really made me say "Eff you, Birchbox!" Never in my year and a half of subscribing to sample boxes have I not received a shampoo and a conditioner together. Every company I know of wants the consumer to try both of them together, so they can see how they work in unison. How in the heck am I going to know if this product really does what it says when I can't use it with the conditioner?
Retail price: $32
4) Per-fekt Beauty Lash Protection Gel: It's a primer. It's a conditioner. It's a mascara. What it isn't is a generous sample. Strange, since most mascara samples from Birchbox have been full size or at least generous sized.
Retail price: $28.50
Also in the box was a Lifestyle extra of - take a guess - TEA SAMPLES. Yes, some fucking tea samples. Again. I'm so sick of tea samples that I think I'm going to scream. Can you hear me? I'm doing it now.
Nitpicks: Oh ye gads... everything except for the fragrance. Sure, I didn't love it, but finally Birchbox gave me a fragrance! It's like they said "Okay, give the whiner the fragrance, and then give her some tea samples, too. Happy Holidays, Sucker!
Lasting impression: Well... basically my lasting impression was one that they don't care about me as a subscriber. I've done a fairly good job of letting them know what I'd like to see in my boxes, and yet they pretty much ignore what I want.
I honestly don't understand why they have their subscribers fill out a beauty profile if they do not pay attention to what their subscribers want and don't want. There are a ton of people out there who - unbelievably - do not want fragrance samples. Then give 'em to me! I told you I want them!
I will say this: They have the best rewards program ever. I was able to use my bonus points to get almost half off of my beloved Kerastase hair masque - and then I said "Good-bye."
I'll probably be back - I get suckered in by all the people who post these great reviews, showing off their wonderful BB products. Then I think, "Hey, I want those, too!" and sign up - only to receive a box of fucking tea samples and Frownies. Yay me.