I know what you're gonna say before you even open your mouth. "Homegirl, why are you reviewing Birchbox? You said you cancelled your subscription!" Yes, yes I did. Was I a liar? Nope. But when I saw that they were hootin' and hollerin' about what a great box they were going to send out in April, I had to get in. Why? Because it was a partnership with Women's Health magazine.
Way back when I was healthy, Women's Health magazine arrived in my mailbox every month. I loved it. And, homey so wants to be healthy again, so I signed up for this "great" box. For $10, how could I lose?
Um. Easily, it turns out.
Okay, this time I do lie - but not by much. I don't want to keep you in suspense any longer - here's what was inside my April "Tiny Tweaks, Big Results" box:
Caudalie Divine Oil: Seriously? Another oil? One month Birchbox says the best oil ever is Orofluido. The next, NUXE. In April the best oil ever was this Caudalie offering. Birchbox, please make up your mind. Which one is the best? Tell me. I really want to know. In the meantime, stop sending me oil. I've got enough for a thousand orgies.
Retail price: $49 for 3.4 fl. oz. (say what?)
Nexxus Youth Renewal Rejuvenating Elixir: Okay, this homegirl gets it: she's older. But do I really need a rejuvenating elixir AND a divine oil? Couldn't you mix it up a bit? Well... apparently not. And I guess since this one is for hair, it's different. Only it's not. And it's Nexxus. Not very exciting. Blerg.
Retail price: $20.00 for .94 fl. oz. (Found it at Target for $15.99 - aren't I special? No, I didn't buy it - I still have some Orofluido - "the best hair oil ever" according to Birchbox in 1992 or two months ago - I can't remember which.)
StriVectin-SD Eye Concentrate for Wrinkles: Okay, Birchbox - I get it now. You think I'm old. I think you hammered that point in very nicely with the above products - no need to get personal with this one. But since I'm tired of complaining, I'll use it - maybe then you'll stop sending me this crap.
Retail price: $65 for 1 oz. (Holy crap - am I made of money? I'm old, remember - I need my moolah for retirement!)
Youngblood Mineral Cosmetics Anti-Shine Mattifier: At last, something good - although it came in a super tiny little sample. I mean, after telling me three times I was old ya think the least they could have done was super-sized this Barbie-sized sample.
Retail price: $35 for .25 oz.
Now, here's the moment you've all been waiting for - did I get a Lifestyle extra or a Beauty extra? If you guessed Beauty Extra, you were right!
Weleda Body Lotion: Oh my - a little foil packet. Thank you, Birchbox. You know how much I love these (insert sarcastic smirk here). Weleda... eh... not exciting. Don't get me wrong, I love Weleda products. Lately, though, they're popping up in almost every subscription box out there - *yawn*
The best part of the box was a free subscription to Women's Health magazine. I can't wait to get my first issue - it'll be like the good old days. Only this time instead of reading an issue and then jogging five miles and doing 100 situps, I'll probably eat a bon-bon and balance a beer on my belly.
Nitpicks: I was really excited about this box - teaming up with Women's Health could have meant really great things. Maybe a workout DVD. Or supplements. Or heck, even sunscreen - I mean, that's kind of healthy, eh? But a bunch of oil products and some anti-shine mattifier does not say "health" to me.
Look, I'm not dumb - I get how the products fit into their "Little Tweaks, Big Results" theme - but it wasn't what most subscribers thought when they first heard BB had worked with WH on this box.
Lasting Impression: Women's Health - I'll get a magazine every month. Who knows? Maybe I'll even go for a walk. You never know... a renewed healthy lifestyle might be an issue away.